I am sitting in Starbucks again, procrastinating of course. I should be writing my journal or beginning my paper that is due next week, or maybe even doing my Chinese homework. But my mind is blank this afternoon. I have a burden on my heart, which has caused lack of sleep, appetite and a large pit in my stomach. It’s been awhile since I have had this problem. Mom, I believe that I come by this trait honestly. I have prayed and prayed for an answer, or at least for this burden to be temporarily taken away. I was able to successfully take a nap this afternoon, and get through my EAS class, but now the thoughts and pit have returned. I do not know why I am being plagued with this at such a time, perhaps because I am beginning to get low on my funds for here in China. But my burden is this: I am looking into a future (the next two years at least), where I will potentially be jobless.
I do not know how to mentally deal with this. Not only do I feel worthless to mine and Joe’s future, but I also feel as though I am going into a hole in which I am faced with cell-phone bills and credit card bills which I do not know where the funds will come from. I cannot even remember the last time that I did not have a job. I have been working since I was 15 years old. Out of those 6 years of work, for about four of those years I have held more than one job at a time… for a few semesters I even had 3 jobs.
I will begin student teaching in a little over a month, and my schedule and availability will drastically change. I will only have 3 afternoons available to work, and that is not taking into consideration that I will have to not only prepare lessons for the classroom, but I will also have homework from my night classes. Who knows if I will mentally be able to handle a part-time job? And then on top of that, if I decide that I need a part-time job, who will want to hire me with the small amount that I am able to work? I just have so many doubts and I am having such a hard time giving them up to God. I do not want to be one of those people who just says “Okay God, here is my problem, now fix it.” I want to be led to do something about it. Is this Biblical? I feel like if I give this to God, then it may be wrong of me to still go out and try to fix the problem by looking for a solution. Should I sit back or should I just look for work and try to do it all myself? It makes me feel as though I am walking a very thin line here. I do not want to be lazy, but yet, I don’t want to try and do it all myself. Where is the line? What is the line?
If I do work this next semester, will I be able to find a job that can provide for me, but can also give me the hours in which I can focus on school, my relationship with Joe, my family, my friends, and my future? That seems to be asking for a lot. That would be the perfect job, and how many perfect jobs are there in this world? If only I could find a job being an ice cream test taster. Now that would be a perfect job :o) So many people tell me that the only thing that most education students can do is work in the restaurant business due to the times that they have available. I have no ambition to be a waitress. I do not feel as though that is something that God created me to do. I want to work with kids, or use my organizational skills in an office, or work some sort of customer service job. I want to feel useful and appreciated.
My hope is that with writing this down, that this may be a therapeutic release from the grumpiness and uncertainty that I am facing today. Thank you for being good listeners :o)
Now I would like to apologize for not posting last night. I’m sure that a few of you are worried, but there is no need to be. I just got busy talking to Joe on the phone for awhile, and then talking to my brother online. By the time I was finished with those, I was too exhausted to stay up any later. So let me tell you about my day yesterday.
First, I didn’t have class yesterday. For some reason, Shang and Ni gave us the day off of class. It was a nice break. Yesterday morning I went with a few people to breakfast. They wanted a real American breakfast, so I led them to Element Fresh. Pretty impressive huh? I was able to show them the correct subway stop and lead them from the subway to the restaurant. It was a huge accomplishment. Dad, I think I have some bearings over here :o)
By the time we got back, I only had a few hours before I was supposed to meet with Nancy, so I did some studying, took a small nap, took a shower (yesterday was unbelievably hot!) and then headed off to meet Nancy.
She met me at the front gate of ECNU. Another big accomplishment was that I was able to tell her where my university was based on subway stops and I was also able to give her the address in Chinese. So she got there fine. I was a little nervous to meet her because I didn’t know what to expect at all. Not only that, I didn’t know who I was even looking for at the front gate! I saw a Caucasian woman standing at the front gate by herself; I took a deep breath and walked toward her. After a few seconds of her staring at me she asked if my name was Stacey. Phew! I had found her. We got into a cab and headed toward a shopping district that she had emailed me about. I had never been in this part of town so I was excited to see something new. On the way we had a very easy conversation, another big sigh of relief! After being here with my group I was beginning to doubt that I was, in fact, a people person and approachable in any way. We talked about her kids who are about my age, and how long she’s been in China, and she asked me about my major, ect. While it wasn’t too deep of a conversation, it was comforting and light.
We got to the mall and she began to take me in some store. This mall was pretty cool. It was a tourist mall, but it wasn’t busting at the seams like the copy market. There were a lot of souvenir items that I hadn’t seen yet. I think I might head back there sometime this next week to look around some more. Anyway, Nancy was very patient and allowed me to look around. I did not feel pressure from her at all. She even helped me barter a little for some shirts.
One interesting thing that I noticed is that Nancy would always speak to the store owners in Chinese, but yet they pretty much refused to speak to her in anything other than English! I found it kind of rude. It wasn’t like her Chinese was sketchy. She was quite fluent (living here for about 15 years will do that to a person!). There was only one store worker that spoke to her in English, and coincidentally this was the only store worker who did not bombard us and push items into our faces as everyone else does. It was quite humorous though. In a few of the stores while I would be bartering, Nancy would come into the conversation speaking Chinese, asking for a larger discount because she spoke Chinese. It worked a few times… hm… I wish she had been with me for more of my shopping!
In this mall was one of Nancy’s favorite pearl shops. She used to do advertising for a few years here in Shanghai, so she got to know which pearl shops were trustworthy and which ones were not. She also showed me what to look for with pearls. Again, I wish I had known this earlier. It would have been nice to know this while I was buying mine. Mine are not terrible, but they aren’t the best of quality. I am currently debating on finding another pair... Anyways, mom I did get you a pair. Unfortunately it was not what you requested. I am very sorry. But it turns up that most of the real “black” pearls are actually real white pearls that are dyed. I was not about to buy to dyed pearls, so I got you regular ones. Let me know if you would like me to spend a larger amount of money to get you what you want. I am more than willing as long as you will pay me back. While the price will be larger, it will also be cheaper than in the states.
*I am going to interrupt here to tell you that I just got another free sample from Starbucks. This time it was a green tea frap. Not too bad!*
Alright, so mom I got you some beautiful pearls that are great quality, but I’m still going to go back and look for some nice black ones for you. I just want to see what the price would be.
Another quick story about shopping: we went upstairs in this mall and found a Persian rug store. Nancy wanted to look for a rug for her apartment (which I found out must be a very nice apartment because she lives in the best/most expensive part of town). The man was Pakistan, but I noticed that he had about four Chinese men working in the store with him as well. He was very kind to us and asked Nancy what she was looking for. When she told him he brought out chairs for us, gave us water (many stores do this here if you are with them for a long period of time) and then began commanding the Chinese men to get certain rugs out. It would take all four of them to lift the rugs from the piles all over, and then they would unroll them right in front of us. It was fun! The man had a very lengthy conversation with us about the distinctions in the rugs, why they are so expensive, how they are made, ect. They were beautiful. He also began asking us questions about ourselves. He said that he prides himself in getting to know his customers. Nancy was interested in one of the rugs and wondered if there was some way she could get a description of it for when she brings Steve, her husband, back in to see it. The man asked her some questions about her and her husband, and then told her that he would remember which rug based on the information that she told him. Whether or not this is true, I guess we will see. But if it is true, then we Americans should learn something from this. Customer service! He also told us that his family has been in this business for 65 years, and that they have about 5 stores all over the world. I liked him; he was interesting to talk to.
So after shopping Nancy took me to this American Diner down the road. It was called Moon River Diner (I think). It was started by 5 chefs, 3 of which were American and used to work in 5-star restaurants back in the states. We actually saw one of the owners come into the restaurant. This is the 2nd Moon River, and they are in the process of building 2 more right now. The menu was huge and it was all American food. I rather enjoyed it. I got a hamburger :o) I just needed a real one.
Our conversation was amazing as well. We spoke a small amount about her "job", but primarily talk about what she has learned from living here in China and she told me many interesting stories. She told me about what it was like coming to China in the 80’s before it was modernized. At that time she lived in another city (which is now the 3rd largest city in China). But at the time it was small and they had no outside connection to the outside world. Phone calls were $3 per minute and there was another American boy who would run down to a store every Tuesday in order to get an American newspaper from the weekend just so that they could get the football scores.
She also told me about how when she lived in this town she was on a board for the orphanage. Therefore she got to see the orphanage firsthand. I guess this orphanage was different from most others in China because the supervisor was big into modernization, therefore Nancy and a few others were actually able to go inside and work with the kids whenever they wanted. Nancy even brought a few kids home with her at one point in order to give them special treatment if they needed it. She told me that the reason why the orphanages are closed off is because back in the 80’s BBC did an undercover investigation of the poorest orphanages with hidden cameras, and then burned China for it. Therefore, China has not forgotten or forgiven, so the orphanages are closed off for the most part. Nancy said that with her reference from her orphanage she was able to get into the Shanghai orphanage which is actually very well funded, but that they treatment to foreigners is not good and that they only let you see what they want you to see. They pick the rooms you get to go into and they pick the kids that you get to play with. She was not impressed by the staff or the whole situation so she no longer goes into the orphanage. She was very interested to hear about the Bykerk family and appreciated their love for adopting children :o)
Another inspiring conversation that we had was about her work as a foster parent when she was back in the states. She worked with Bethany Christian Services down in Kansas City and took in infants 48 hours after they were born. Her and Steve would take care of the babies until they were adopted, which usually was only a few months away. Wow! One more lifetime goal to put on my list. I am curious as to whether or not Bethany still does this.
Finally, we also spoke about how corrupt the Chinese culture has become in reference to brothels and Western men coming over looking for little Chinese girls. It’s sad and sick. I noticed this phenomenon from my first few days here. Everywhere you go you see 30+ men with young Chinese girls. Nancy spoke of a few western men that her husband has hired in his agriculture company and how their marriages have been broken due to all of the temptation here. Steve has to travel for his company and almost every night he will get calls from girls down in the lobby and he will even get knocks on the door. He has a policy that if he finds out that any of his employees are participating in any acts of infidelity that they will be fired. She also told me that she knows one of the major GM guys here in Shanghai and that he has the same policy. He sends his guys home if he catches any wind of it. It really is so sad. So many marriages are being broken up because of this, not to mention the STD’s and AIDS that are being spread… sometimes right back to the wives at home.
Nancy would not let me pay for the cab ride there, or dinner. It really was so sweet of her. On our way back to drop her off at the subway station she told me to get a hold of her this next week because she wants to see me one more time before I leave. Wow… so blessed. She gave me a hug and then left me in the cab. (She made sure that I knew where I was going!) I then was able to tell the cab driver where I wanted to go in decent Chinese :o) Plus I was then able to finally pay for something for the night, even if it was just one cab fare.
So as I said, I was able to talk to Joe on the phone for about 20 minutes (until my phone card ran out) and then I talked to Jasers for a while online. All-in-all it was a GREAT day that I really enjoyed. I really hope that I get to see Nancy again this coming week or maybe in the one day that I have between coming home from Tibet and leaving for the States. I still can’t get over what an incredible woman she is and how amazing it was that she would go out of her way to do this for me.
Um… let’s see. I FINALLY got an email from Sarah. I now officially have all of my bridesmaids :o) I am in contact with Bridal Elegance right now about the bridesmaid dresses. They have been checking on a few dresses for me, adding a few to the list and taking a few off that will be discontinued next month. Mom and Erin, unfortunately the dress that Erin picked out is not available in my color. Erin, we will have to go back ASAP so you can pick another dress. I want you to have first choice and if we can get that done before you leave for Taylor that would be great.
Mom, while talking to Joe last night I mentioned how you wanted him to come and see you guys. He doesn’t want to invite himself over, therefore you calling him and setting up a time might be a good idea. Also, in your email you talked to me about flooding in Beijing and Hong Kong (referring to it as the same storm)... I’m a little confused about this because Hong Kong is very south of Shanghai, whereas Beijing is very north of here. I think you may have your geography confused? The Beijing trip is not set yet. I put it in Kendall’s hands to plan and he hasn’t gotten too far with it. I figure if he gets it planned then great, but if not then that saves me money. I’ll just have to see the wall next time I come. Hopefully there will be another time. At least I’ll get to see Tibet right?
I got an email from Becca today. Apparently with the bad storm you guys had hers and Jamie’s apartment flooded! How terrible, and what a stressor on a new marriage. I love you Beccafer and I hope everything works out. I’m praying. Can’t wait to see you when I get home!
Alright, that’s all for now. Until next time…
P.S. Mom, you can write the word God. They can’t get you over there and they aren’t going to arrest me just for using the word God.
